


a need-to-know basis

by skywalkwithme



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Stiles is Stiles, awkward shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 21:13:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11906316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skywalkwithme/pseuds/skywalkwithme
Summary: “Heather said… Heather said, ‘My wish is not to be a seventeen-year-old virgin.’”The Sheriff freezes, staring at his pad. “Ah.”Sheriff Stilinski is investigating Heather's death, and, well.... Stiles was the last one to see her.





	a need-to-know basis

“Dad come on, do you really think I killed her?” Stiles shifts in his chair, trying to get comfortable.

“No, Stiles, but it’s protocol. You were the last one to see her before she disappeared.” The Sheriff leans forward in his chair “Now, just tell me what happened,” he says casually as he pulls out a notepad.

Stiles glares at the notepad. “Daaaad.”

The Sheriff sighs, already annoyed. “Let’s just start with when you arrived at the party. Did you see her?”

“Yes.”

There’s a pause.

“We’re gonna need more than that, Stiles.”

“She…”

“Yes?”

“Is that a new haircut?”

“Stiles.”

He doesn’t want to meet his dad’s eye.

“Are you sure you didn’t kill her? Cause I’m starting to think you did.”

Stiles sighs, “I walked in with Scott and shekindajustkissedme.”

His words come out in a rush and he fiddles with his hands in his lap. Sheriff raises his eyebrows as a look of surprise crosses his face, but quickly regains his composure.

“Right, so then what? Did you notice her leave, or was she with a particular person a lot?” He makes hands gestures as he tries to prompt his son. Stiles keeps his eyes on the floor as he continues, “she actually wanted to get some wine from the cellar in

their basement so… I went with her.”

“Into the basement.”

“Yup.”

The Sheriff makes a note. Stiles lunges forward and makes a grab for the notepad. “What are you writing?”

The Sheriff yanks the pad out of his grasp. With teeth gritted, he replies, “None of your business.”

Stiles snaps back into his chair and clenches his fists, frustration written all over him.

Sheriff raises his eyebrows, an indication for Stiles to go on.

“So we went down to the cellar, and, I don’t know, we were just talking.”

“What was she saying? Stiles, I need her exact words.”

He hesitates.

“Anything to help the investigation.”

“I really feel like what she said wasn’t important.”

“Stiles.” Says the Sheriff threateningly.

“She said…. she was telling me what she wanted for her birthday.”

“Exact words, Stiles.”

“Okay. She said, ‘You know what I want for my birthday Stiles?’ and I was like, ‘a bike?’”

The Sheriff writes some more on his notepad. Stiles resists the urge to glance over.

“And then she said no….”

His discomfort is obvious.

“Stiles, get on with it. It shouldn’t be this hard.”

“Heather said… Heather said, ‘My wish is not to be a seventeen-year-old virgin.’”

The Sheriff freezes, staring at his pad. “Ah.”

Stiles starts to get up from his chair, not meeting his dad’s eyes. “And I’m gonna go now.”

The Sheriff grabs his shirt sleeve and sits him back down. “Nope.” The regret in his voice is obvious as he says, “I need the whole story- for the investigation.”

There’s a long pause. The Sheriff rubs his face in his hands and his son fidgets in his chair. The embarrassment is obvious on both their faces.

Stiles, evidently deciding to get it over with, reluctantly continues the story.“So then she took off her shoes.”

The Sheriff cringes, and makes a noise under his breath. It sounds a lot like “Oh, boy.”

“And she was like, ‘have you ever…”

Stiles chews his lip, fighting hard not to get up and leave the room.

“... done it before?’ And yeah.”

“And you said no.”

Stiles pauses for way too long. Alarm begins to grow on his dad’s face.

“And you said no.” he repeats more forcefully.

Stiles grits his teeth. “Yeah. Dad. I said no.”

He sighs and continues. “And she was like, are you okay, you know, with this, and I was like yeah, and she- she kissed me again, and-”

The Sheriff looked as though he wished he had never begun this conversation.

“And then I went upstairs.”

He relaxes visibly. “Why’d you go upstairs?”

“I had to go to the bathroom.” Stiles lies, very obviously.

“And you went all the way to the top floor? From the basement?”

“Mmmm…. yes.” he says, looking triumphant.

“Stiles, I know when you’re lying.”

“Dad, I’m not lying!”

The Sheriff gives him a long look.

“Okay. I had to… get something. For Heather.”

“What did you have to get for her?”

“More wine?” Stiles says with hope.

“You were just in a cellar full of wine.” The Sheriff replies in a monotone.

Stiles realizes there’s no way out of this.

“Okay, Dad. Fine. I was getting a condom.”

The Sheriff now looks as though he wished he had never become a Sheriff. Now he’s the one who has to avert his gaze.

Rubbing his eyes, the Sheriff plunges forward. “So you went upstairs.”

“Yeah. And it took me kind of a long time, because, you know.”

In a tone heavy with regret and disappointment, the Sheriff urges him on. “No, Stiles, I don’t know.”

“Well, I couldn’t find anything. And then I found some, and...” He trails off.

The Sheriff stares at him wordlessly. Stiles has begun to inch lower down in his chair.

“I was like- are these-” He shuffles down further in his chair. His voice is muffled as he says “the right size.”

The Sheriff covers his eyes. “Oh my god.”

Now he wishes he had never had a son.

“Because they were- they said XXL.”

“Yeah, okay, Stiles, I get-”

“And I was like, am I-”

“Stiles! I get it!”

“Yeah.. okay… right.” He readjusts himself in his chair again, studying the brown carpet floor intently.

“So then I went back down to the basement-”

The Sheriff raises his hands in the air, indicating Stiles to stop.

“Stiles, let’s keep this on a need to know basis. I need your honest judgement - is what you’re about to tell me relevant to the investigation? Because otherwise I really do not want to know about…”

“No, dad we didn’t do anything.” He shifts in his chair. “By the time I got back down to the basement she was gone.”

“Right.” Sheriff closes the notepad. “So is there anything else you’d like to tell me?” His tone indicates clearly that he does not want there to be anything else.

Stiles tilts his chin and looks upward, furrowing his eyebrows. “Hmmm…”

“Stiles.”

“Nope, that’s it.”

Sheriff lets out a sigh and his shoulders slump back to a normal position.

“Stiles, thank you for your…” he tries to find the right word for this bizarre conversation. “Honesty.”

Stiles gives a shit-eating grin. “Happy to help.”

“But- just to be clear- we are never talking about this again.”

Stiles nods. “Agreed.”

As Stiles leaves the office, Sheriff tries not to think about this entirely new perspective on his teenage son.

 

**Author's Note:**

> ao3 messed up the formatting ahhhh  
> co-wrote this with my bestie delia, who does not have an ao3 account (yet) but trust me she's cool


End file.
